With my eyes closed, it sounds like the crackling of the stars. The moaning of the wind and the grass crunchy under my feet in winter. It’s soft and soothing like baby powder but strong and protective like thunder in the raging clouds of spring.

How do I hear it all at once? How is it possible to experience the enveloping arms of your adoration when I’m nothing but nothing to adore? How is it that I see you working in my childhood and in my future at the same time?

You love me so much I can’t bear it. I want to be the stars and the wind. I want to be the grass that crunches under a child’s feet in winter. I want to be the softness that soothes my baby you hold in your arms in heaven.

Hear me now God. Hear my oddly spoken praise to you in this humble written form. Bear with me now until I see you face to face. Watch behind me, above me, before me, through me, into me and see who you created me to be, in your time, not the woman I am at this moment in agonizing earth time.

See me ramble and wobble down the crooked path I’ve dug out? It may or may not be the path you would have preferred me to take. But you said you would make that crooked path straight. All I needed to do was trust you and try.

I’m trying…